Don't Leave Me, Little One
by Emrys MK
Summary: Side story to 'When Love Calls.' It will give you a bit more insight to Severus's relationship with Harry at the time of his parents' deaths.


**Title**: Don't Leave Me Little One

**Author**: Sev1970/MK Malfoy

**Rating**: PG-13

**Characters**: Severus and baby Harry, along with various other HP characters

**Warnings**: Harsh Language

**Summary**: Side story to WLC's. It will give you a bit more insight to Severus's relationship with Harry at the time of his parents' deaths.

**Date Written**: 9-08-2003 **Edited**: 07-21-2009

**Words**: 3,200

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my original plot; the characters are all J.K. Rowling's and I only hope to get satisfaction and enjoyment out of this.

**A/N**: This could spoil WLC's in a huge way – it is best to read it after reading WLCs.

**~*~**

Severus was beyond hysterical as he slammed the door behind him. A worried voice called out to him, but he chose to ignore it, knowing that he shouldn't be speaking to anyone at the moment unless he wished to be thrown in Azkaban for murder, which he most certainly did not. He had, however, already had a rather violent tantrum wherein he had destroyed Lucius's living room, bedroom and kitchen before storming out of the other man's house, livid. He was furious with himself: for not being where he should have been, and more so for remaining where he should not have. Damn the Dark Lord!

Instead of Apparating, which would have been much faster, Severus chose to use the charm that would allow him to walk to the house; he needed air, and he needed time to get his emotions together. As he walked, almost in a trance, he ripped a picture he had in his hands to shreds. Why hadn't he been there? He could have prevented it. He was almost blinded by his tears, yet he continued walking… walking to what only hours before had been his safe haven. Now… now it was the last place on earth he wanted to see, but it was the one place he needed to be, for in that house there was a little boy who had been left behind: a little boy who must be dreadfully frightened._ A child Harry's age is much more perceptive than people think, and they can sense change… Harry must know that something is amiss. "_Hold on little one, I'm coming."

How could this have happened? They had taken every precaution... hadn't they? Obviously not. Severus thew down the remaining bits of the now mangled photo. It had to have been Black's doing; he was the only one who knew where James and Lily had been in hiding._ If I ever get my hands on Black, so help me, Merlin, I'll kill him. How dare that bastard… how could he… how could he betray his best friend? Well, obviously he wasn't James's best friend. That filth has no idea what he has done; I am sure he is off hiding somewhere. I want to know if he is aware of the fact that his godson is now fatherless and motherless. Bloody hell, Black, what in the hell were you thinking? More like, you weren't. I'm not certain you ever did…_

But... what if it wasn't Black who had been the cause of this? Severus remembered hearing Peter talking to Lucius earlier in the day. What if he had been telling the truth? Severus didn't want to believe it, but did he really want to believe that James's supposed best friend would betray a family he adored and loved? Severus didn't know whom or what to believe; too many people had lied to him and disappointed him. He trusted no one, other than his two best friends, and now they were dead.

Even if it hadn't been Black who had betrayed James and Lily, the mutt had still somehow managed to convince James to change secret keepers, and that was enough to return Severus's previous feelings of hatred for the Animagus.  
_  
_Severus frowned as his gaze fell upon the house: Everything downstairs looked normal, but the roof on the upper right-hand side was severely damaged, and that was the area where Harry's nursery was. Severus quickened his pace and approached the door. As much as he needed and wanted to see Harry, he didn't want to go in and face what had happened. His eyes drifted skyward, however, and he knew he hadn't a choice.

"Severus? Do come in out of the cold, dear; you'll catch your death out there," said a soft, yet stern voice from inside the house.

_Would that be such a bad thing? _Severus wanted to say_. _"So nice to see you, _Minerva_. Where is Harry?" he added, trying to be as pleasant as possible, but knowing he sounded as disinterested in her as he was interested in seeing the one person who needed him. He knew he was fooling no one, and he hardly cared what they thought. He stepped through the open door and looked towards the stairs.

"Albus has him, Severus; they want to talk to you." Minerva inclined her head to indicate the small group of people standing in the sitting room, speaking in hushed tones.

Severus could see a handful of people: Mad-Eye, Hagrid, Longbottom and another person Severus had never been introduced to. "Not. Until. I. See. Harry," was his matter-of-fact reply, his scowl deepening with each pronounced syllable.

Minerva shrugged her shoulders and shook her head as if she were dealing with a misbehaving child, but motioned Severus to follow her. The two of them entered the foyer, took a left and took the stairs to the second floor. Even before they approached the door to the nursery, Severus could hear Harry's cries._  
_  
Minerva looked both sad and stern as she turned her attention to Severus. "You need to return downstairs soon and speak with Mad-Eye and his bunch." Minerva opened the door. Dumbledore was rocking the toddler in the antique chair that Lily had loved so much. "And you will keep your voice down, Severus. Harry senses something is amiss and has been inconsolable since _it_ happened."

Amusement mixed with anger was what Severus felt. "You don't say, Minerva. His parents were murdered – his mother in front of him. I rather expected he'd be talking and laughing as he was yesterday afternoon when James, Lily and myself were playing with him." Severus could feel the heat rising to his face and could feel the tears stinging the corners of his eyes. He took a deep breath before continuing, and willed himself to calm down and cease the sarcastic and biting remarks. Minerva looked as if she would burst into tears at any moment, and Severus knew he himself was not far from doing the same. "Forgive me, Minerva. I don't know what to do; I feel so damned helpless; you'll just have to bear with me. If not, then…" _sod off_. "And… Minerva, I know they want to talk to me, but not now. They can all sod off for all I care; they'll wait until I have seen Harry."

Minerva and Severus entered Harry's room. "Hello, Headmaster," was Severus's calm address as his eyes took in the appearance of Harry, who looked no different than he had been hours earlier with the exception of an odd-looking wound above his left eye. It looked like a lightening-bolt.

"It's Albus, Severus… so nice of you to stop by."

Was that a bit of sarcasm? Severus had never heard the Headmaster being sarcastic, but... it had sounded somewhat flippant. Severus chose to reply as if it hadn't been meant in such a way. "I live here, or perhaps I should say… I lived here. Of course, I would be here Albus: where else would I be?"

"I am sorry, my boy; this is all so very terrible. Of course you would be here. Little Harry has been calling for you."

Severus felt like crying, but he pushed the tears away and forced himself to smile at the little boy who had stolen his heart. "May I hold him?" The Headmaster handed the now smiling boy, arms outstretched for Severus, to the younger wizard, then he and Minerva left the room, leaving him alone with James and Lily's son. Severus allowed a tear to fall as he closed his eyes and shook his head. This could not have happened. He re-opened his eyes when he felt a finger on his nose. He smiled.

"Sev 'ose 'et."

Severus nodded as he wiped his nose with his sleeve. "Hi, little one, I'm here." Severus sat down in the rocking chair with the small boy and held Harry close to him. Try as he may to prevent them, Severus's tears continued to fall freely. He began rocking the toddler in his arms and caught himself humming a tune that he had heard Lily humming to Harry recently. The now cooing Harry looked up at Severus with his big green eyes, and Severus's heart broke again.

The friends whom he had all but hated in school for what they were and what he wasn't had taken him in and taught him what a true family was; they had taught him he was worth something, but most importantly, they had taught him how to love. And he had loved them. And he loved this miracle – this amazing little person who was currently looking up at him wide-eyed as if asking him a question.

"Sev? Cy? Don' Cy Sev. Haaaeeey want Sev smie."

Severus wiped his face with his sleeve again as he tried to smile for Harry. "What will happen to you, Harry? Will I be allowed to see you again? I can't imagine my life without you now; you have my heart, little one, and always will." Severus wanted to take Harry and raise him as his own; he wanted this little boy to grow up knowing love, love that he himself had never truly had.

Several minutes later he stood and placed Harry in his swing which was charmed to stop only when an adult told it to do so. "I need to go talk to these people downstairs, Harry, but I'll be back, okay?" he asked, forcing himself to smile. Harry smiled back, then laughed and clapped his hands, but then stopped laughing and looked around, as if looking for someone. Was he looking for his mother to walk into the room and keep him company? The thought was not one Severus could afford to ponder.

"Kay. Bye Seeve... Sev," replied Harry as he picked up a stuffed dragon that had been left on the seat from a previous swinging session.

Severus smiled at Harry's attempts to say his complete name as he left the room, then made his way down the stairs and entered the room where everyone was congregated. "Minerva tells me you wish to speak to me. I do not have anything to report to you; the Dark Lord told me nothing of this, but then again, he wouldn't because I was living here with them. I am as surprised by this as you, but I'll do anything in my power to help. Let's get this over quickly so I can spend some more time with Harry; he doesn't need to be left alone right now," said Severus all in one breath, afraid that someone would attempt to interrupt him.

Hagrid turned to face him and Severus could tell the half-giant had probably been crying for hours; his eyes were bloodshot, and when he spoke, it was with a voice filled with emotion.

"That's what we wanted to talk to you about, Severus. Harry has to go live with Petunia. He'll be leaving soon."

It was as if all of the air had been sucked out of the room.** "What? No…you lot must be out of your fucking minds.** Petunia always considered Lily a freak; she could not stand the fact that Lily was a witch. Now you say that little boy in there, who just lost his parents not even twelve hours ago, will have to go live with her? **Over.**** My. ****Dead.**** Body."  
**  
"Severus, child, Harry must live with Petunia and her family; she is the only means we have of protecting Harry. You know how blood magic works, do you not?"

Severus nodded in the Headmaster's direction but would not meet his eyes. How dare the man call him a child.

"Petunia would never hurt the boy, Severus; he is her own flesh and blood. Her blood will protect Harry. You know as well as I do that he'll be sought out now because of what happened last night; that boy is special, Severus, and you know it," finished Dumbledore, his eyes not so twinkly now.

Severus nodded his head; yes, the boy was indeed special.

"I have just discovered that Lily's sister and her husband have a child who is about the same age as Harry," said Dumbedore, sounding entirely too happy, as if everything would work out. Wasn't it just like Albus Dumbledore to act like this. "I think it will do James and Lily's son good to grow up with his family, Severus. Surely you cannot deny him the happiness he deserves?"

Severus shot the Headmaster an incredulous look and wanted to get in his mentor's face and scream, but knew it would do no good. Severus did not like it, but when Dumbledore made up his mind, there was no changing it.

"Also, remember that Harry will be attending Hogwarts in ten years."

Severus shrugged his shoulders and gave Albus a questioning look, which the older man answered by telling Severus they would discuss that further when things calmed down.

**"Fine… take him then, but mark my words… all of you, this is a mistake. That child has lost his parents and once you put him with Petunia, he will have lost all of us as well. NO CHILD, Albus, deserves to be ripped out of a safe environment and placed with complete strangers, not when there are those of us who would take him in a heartbeat."  
**  
"Do be sensible, Severus. You could no more take him in as your own than you could denounce the Dark Lord to his face."

Severus was losing it; he could feel the tears. That had been a low blow by someone whom he looked up to and thought would never throw his past back in his face, but it had been quite accurate, and Severus really couldn't blame Dumbledore for saying such a thing. "Lupin?"

"They won't allow it since he will be turning every full moon," was the Headmaster's reply as he put an arm around Severus's shoulder. "Severus, please do not fight this; you'll not win."

Severus shook off the Headmaster's arm and left the room as quickly as his legs would allow. Walking back into Harry's room, he knelt down so that he and Harry could look into each other's eyes. "I'm sorry, Harry. I have often wondered when I would most regret my decision. Now I know: it is now. Because I was unable to withstand their _ways_… now I can not be the one to raise you and teach you what your parents would have. I am truly sorry, little one. I let you and your parents down. Will you ever know how wonderful your parents really were? Will you know how much you were loved? It's not fair; Lily and James should be here to see you grow up."

Severus heard a knock on the door and saw Hagrid peering through. "Come in, Hagrid."

"Sorry, but Perfesser Dumbledore says it's time ter go."

Severus lifted Harry out of the swing and held him to his chest. He could feel the heart in Harry's chest beating against his; it was as if they were beating as one.

Severus slowly walked into the sitting room, not looking at anyone but Harry. He reluctantly handed the small boy to Hagrid after kissing Harry's forehead, and couldn't keep a tear from escaping as he watched the large er... giant saying goodbye to his best friend's son. Hagrid then carried the small child around the room.

The Auror named Longbottom approached the two and ruffled Harry's hair as he smiled at the child.

"I am sure you and my son would have been great friends, Harry; the two of you will meet at Hogwarts."

Hagrid carried Harry around a while longer before handing him back to the one person in the room that knew him better than any other. Severus had expected Hagrid to carry Harry outside and was moved beyond words that the other man apparently understood how much Severus needed to do this. He needed to hold on to Harry as long as he could.

Both Minerva and the Headmaster met Severus on the porch and said their good-byes to the young boy before leaving to Disapparate beyond the wards.

It would be a long trip; Hagrid and Harry had several stops to make before they reached Little Whinging. Severus knew he had to hand the boy back to Hagrid, but he was having a difficult time letting go. He looked down at the small boy, kissed his forehead, and frowned at the wound that was now prominently displayed – the remnants of a curse that somehow failed to kill Harry, yet had rebounded and caused the Dark Lord to lose his powers and vanish.

There was nothing to be said: No words would adequately convey Severus's feelings. He was losing his reason for loving; he had already lost Lily and James, and now he was about to lose his Harry. Besides Albus, who was his mentor, Harry was all that he had; the child was love to Severus, and now that love was going away. Everyone whom he had ever loved had been taken away from him. It was more than he could handle. After several minutes of green eyes looking into his, a small frown on the little boy's face, Severus hugged Harry one final time, then reluctantly handed his precious bundle over to Hagrid, his entire body shaking with grief as he did so.

Severus didn't watch as Hagrid secured Harry to himself; nor did he watch as Hagrid started the motor. When he knew the bike was in the air, he glanced up to see the two silhouetted against the moon, which was almost full. "I love you, little one."

Then with a pop, Severus Disapparated.


End file.
